


The Run and Go

by pietromvximoff



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (I promise), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky gives up and opens up to Steve, Bucky hates himself, Comfort/Angst, Fluff and Angst, Friends just hugging it out, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, I had to write this, I planned on writing this ever since I started listening to Twenty One Pilots, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nothing sexual at all, Past Hydra, Past The Winter Soldier, Post-credit scene on Ant-man was too much to my heart, Protective Steve, Rambling on additional tags, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Steve being an ideal friend, Steve doesn't care about Bucky's past with Hydra, Steve wants to help Bucky, Stucky - Freeform, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4355345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pietromvximoff/pseuds/pietromvximoff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky and Steve reconnected after the events of "The Winter Soldier". Bucky is broken and Steve is willing to help him, no matter how screwed his best friend is with his own past or how much he pushes Steve away, even if he tried to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Run and Go

**Author's Note:**

> A Stucky!friendship fanfic based on Twenty One Pilots song "The Run and Go".  
> If you're interested in hearing the song, here's the link for the official audio: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGbraQdkct8
> 
> Do keep in mind, that my English is quite flaky as I'm from non-English-speaking country and I'm trying to improve it through writing. So if you see any writing or spelling mistakes do let me know, because I would appreciate every single correction so much, even if it was just an advice on how you would rather write a certain phrase. Everything is welcome, keeping in mind, that a) this was my first fanfiction, that I've posted and that b) is written based on a song - so I really don't know if I'm doing anything right at all.
> 
> I also took some things from the comics, like Bucky having brown eyes instead of S̶e̶b̶a̶s̶t̶i̶a̶n̶ ̶S̶t̶a̶n̶'̶s̶ ̶d̶r̶e̶a̶m̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶u̶t̶i̶f̶u̶l̶ blue ones.
> 
> TW: Mentions of death, torture and self hatred.

  _ **"I can't take them on my own, my own."**_

Bucky realized he cannot live with his thoughts, not like this. Waking up in the middle of the night, screaming and crying in panic and terror as Steve runs into the room with a worried expression on his face. He rushes next to Bucky and tries to calm him down by holding his face softly. Steve squeezes Bucky's hand and whispers that he's okay, no one's going to get him and, that he's safe here with him. Bucky brushes Steve's hand quickly off and stares at the ceiling in the room taking a deep breath and trying to fight the tears, before landing his brown eyes on their clumsily interlocked fingers, that Steve re-connected again. Bucky raises his eyes on Steve, who stares back at him.

"I can't keep living like this", Bucky whispered quietly, taking another breath in order to calm down completely. It was hard for him to live with his living nightmare and fear, that there would always be someone who is watching him and planning to take him back to the HYDRA base, to torture and to brainwash him all over again; turn him into the Winter Soldier he used to be. He didn't want to forget everything again and become that person all over again. He just got Steve back.

_**"Oh, I'm not the one you know, you know.  
I have killed a man and all I know, is I am on the run and go."** _

"Let me help you, Buck", Steve says quietly.

"You know, you can talk to me about anything." Bucky knew, that Steve was one of the genuinely kindest people who cared for others, who didn't judge no matter what. But Steve didn't know the whole story. What he had done, whom he had killed.

"I'm still a monster, Steve", Bucky says and brushes off his hand. A few tears started to fall from his eyes, but he quickly brushed them off with his human hand. Sometimes looking at the metal hand of his, reminded him that he truly was a monster.

"You're not a monster. They tortured you, they brainwashed you. The Winter Soldier is not the James Barnes I know, who back in the days was always surrounded by pretty gals and was once of the kindest people I've ever known." Steve said quietly and instead of crouching down, he now sat next to Bucky on the bed. "Kind people are not monsters. You're not a monster."

_**"Don't wanna call you in the night time, don't wanna give you all my pieces."** _

"Do you have any clue what I have done? Stark's parents for example", Bucky said raising his voice and now avoiding eye contact with Steve. "I've taken dozens of innocent lives. Is that kind of person kind to you?" Steve didn't say a word, just sighed quietly. "I thought so." Steve stood up and tried to say something for once, but Bucky cut him off again. "Steve. Leave." Steve hesitated for a moment, before Bucky added a "please".

_**"Don't wanna hand you all my trouble, don't wanna give you all my demons."** _

Steve nodded slightly and ran his hand through his blonde hair extremely anxiously as he leaned against the wall, right next to the room Bucky was staying. Steve let out a few tears, before fighting against. He knew it was a hard process, but the fact, that his very best friend is pushing him away, not letting him help at all, breaks his heart.

**_"You'll have to watch me struggle, from several rooms away."_ **

Steve wasn't the only one who was feeling like a complete piece of shit. Bucky felt awful, really awful. He just had gotten Steve back, after all those years, after he fell from the train. Steve still had the same heartbroken expression on his face, that broke Bucky. He was tired of fighting back the tears and it all out. He hugged a pillow tightly and tried to take deep breaths. Steve only meant good and he was the most understanding friend for a situation like this. But Bucky couldn't accept his help, as he felt like a monster who only got people hurt. He didn't want to hurt Steve. He fell asleep, crying. He hated being apart from Steve, but he thought it would be for the best. But little did he know, that Steve was still behind the door wanting to hit his head against the wall for the very same reason.

**_"But tonight I'll need you to stay."_ **

Steve had lost the track of time, he didn't even know how long he had sat next to the door. Just thinking. He didn't hesitate though, when he heard a scream. He recognised the voice within seconds and ran in. Bucky was in the corner of the room, hugging his legs and breathing heavily. A nightmare for sure and it didn't took long time to figure out what kind of. Steve interlocked his hands with Bucky's and repeated the same things all over again. He was safe. Steve wouldn't let anyone hurt him. No one's after him. He's okay.

_**"I am up against the wall, the wall, for I hear them coming down the hall."** _

"I'm sorry", Bucky whispered under his breath as he was still shaking. Steve petted his hair with a warm smile. "There's nothing you should be sorry for, Buck", Steve said and spread out his arms to motion, that he wanted a hug. Bucky crawled into his arms and Christ, he felt safe. "Expect for my actions the past years", Bucky muttered under his breath. Steve looked into his brown eyes with an annoyed sigh. Well, kind of annoyed. He was annoyed, that Bucky couldn't see, that Steve didn't care about his past and, that the only thing he genuinely cared for was Bucky himself.

_**"I have killed a man and all I know, is I am on the run and go."** _

"I don't care, that person wasn't even you", Steve said with an annoyed tone in his voice. Bucky was about to protest, but Steve cut him off with a hand motion.

_**"Don't wanna call you in the nighttime, don't wanna give you all my pieces."** _

"I really, really, really, wanna help you get through this. I will be there for you, no matter whenever it's 3pm or 3am. No matter what I'm doing, I'll always be there for you", Steve said still hugging Bucky, before letting go and looking him straight into his eyes. "Because you matter."

_**"Don't wanna hand you all my trouble, don't wanna give you all my demons."** _

Bucky sighs annoyed. Steve decides that he would be done for tonight. He couldn't just push him into recovering from the night terrors and anxiety and act like everything's okay, when they're obviously not. Steve stands up and ready to walk towards the door, not bothering his friend any more, when he clearly wants to be left alone. But Bucky stops him by grabbing his arm with his metal arm. 

"Steve wait."

_**"You'll have to watch me struggle, from several rooms away."** _

"What are you doing, Bucky?" Steve questions not taking his eyes off his friend, even though he was still holding Steve's arm. 

"Asking you to stay", Bucky answered quietly pulls him back next to him. He shows Bucky a small smile and takes a better position to sit in. They talked all night about everything, all that had happened the past few years. And just then Bucky realized, that he needed Steve and Steve needed him - more than anything. Bucky was one step closer to return to his normal life. The life he had with Steve before HYDRA.

_**"But tonight I'll need you to stay."** _

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know, hope you liked it!


End file.
